I don't belong here anymore.

I went to school today. There was a feeling that I don't belong to this place anymore. I didnt see any familiar faces around anymore, for one thing. Those hanging around at benches must be year-one or year-two students cuz now all year-three students have been on their attachment. And the other thing, all the rooms that I used to have a privilege to access, I now can no longer open and use them. I had to ask someone who was inside a lab to open the door for me today. I guess I'm finished here.

Another rejection

I've been feeling very lousy since this afternoon. I went for two job interviews today but a chance to get a job seems pretty slim.

The first job interview: I had very high hope to get a job at Oak3 Films. The company did a project on Laos before and a boss seemed to like Lao a lot, according to my friends who used to work there. I emailed Jason, a manager, my particular which I included the fact that I am Lao, and he still called me to go for an interview( I thought the company would hire a foreigner like me). So I went today with some expectation. I reached Outram Park(where the company is located) two hours prior to the interview as always; I couldnt sleep well the night before, as always,too. Jason told me that currently his company has reached a quota for hiring foreigners. He's already employed German and Malaysian. So there ain't a place for any foreign employee. However, he would contact me to do freelance if there is any job available in the future...

The second job interview: I headed to Earthtree for another job interview. As I was approaching the company, my eyes caught the sign "Corncorde Hotel". Immediately I recalled about two weeks ago, someone called me to come for the interview for "Online Editor" job and "Opposite Corncorde(the location of the company which I thought it was Concourse, and of course, I couldnt find the place)". This was it, the same job I had applied two weeks ago and was called for the interview but failed to come. I was scared that they would remember me(by my particular). Fortunatedly, no one ever cared. I talked to Mark, he must be a producer, and showed him my FYP video. He didnt seem impressed because the cut was too simple for him, he said. And he has one problem with me, I am not a PR. " I will let you know next week," he said. But I guess that is just a polite way of saying, " Forget it! You ain't hired here".

I've gotta be home soon.

Sorry

I'm just addicted

Thank you for being my friend always.

Things change but I still hope our friendship will remain the same.

Forget Me Not

I went for the shoot the other day for a convocation video. Nah I wasn't chosen by a producer; I volunteered myself. I just wanted to take an opportunity to thank my FYP mates and supervisor because I wasn't sure I would be attending Convocation Ceremony. I was asked what I would miss or remember the most when I left NTU. I had long paused...Hmm My friends. Yeah my friends. I would miss them the most.

I left the shoot and kept wondering myself; what about me? What my friends would remember about me?

I guess, most of people in my school know who I am. I am the only foreigner guy in my batch. All technicians know me, not to mention professors. Although sometimes they still mistake me for Malay. I am famous(to be precise, rather infamous) in my school.

A trouble-maker, I was named.

I once did a quiz on behalf of my so-called friend then got caught.
I once played volleyball in school while leaving editing facilities running; I was barred from using an editing suit for 2 weeks.
I was once dragged out of the class by a lecturer because he thought I was making noise while a class presentation was being conducted...

A porn-director wanna be, I was accused.

The incidence took place during my second year. My friends and I wanted to do something "wild". So we decided to do project on "a history of pornography" without even informing our lecturer. He is from Canada; he should be O.K with the topic, or so we thought. Come a presentation day, I was in his class early. So I told him what we would be presenting and SHOWING. His face turned red. "Go to my office now," he commanded. I went with him and showed him the video. "No! No! You cannot show that in my class. You have two choices, either you change the topic and present it next week or you present today without showing any video or graphics," he added. On the way back to the class, he popped the question,"Do you wanna be a porn director?". I thought he was just joking. " Yeah I do," said me. " If you wanna be a porn director, you don't have to study all the way to university," said he. Whoa! Whoa! easy man, I thought.

We decided to go ahead with the presentation without any graphics. My voice and hands were shaking. The whole class was silent and tensed. Our lecturer's face was still red. We ended our presentation without any comment from him or classmates. We knew we were doing terribly bad. But we thought that would be the end of story after that class.

Few months later, I bumped into one of my lecturers who just got out from a school annual meeting. He told me that the Canadian lecturer told the whole meeting about me being a trouble-maker and a porn-director wanna be. What a jerk! I mean me, of course.

A dark and small guy who looks like Malay, I am.

I am always mistaken as Malay. People speaking to me in Malay is not uncommon anymore. I sometimes joke when food sellers ask me if I can eat pok. "Yeah today is Friday(depends on what day I am asked this question) so I can eat pok."

I attended my first-day Malay class, my classmates were staring at me and one person sitting next to me asked, "Why are you taking Malay?" " I am Malay but I was raised overseas so I can speak Malay for nut!" said me.

All in all, I never regret what I have done during my 5-year study and living in Singapore. I only regret what I haven't done.

Judgement day

I can't change anything now. I will have to accept whatever happens today.

There were two events I had been most anticipating. One was my final year exam results, and the other, American Idol results.

All I wated for my results was PASS. I couldn't sleep well last night. I was anticipating what could be my results and what I would do if they didn't turn out the way I was hoping for. I came straight to a computer room without even washing up myself. The temptation of wanting to find out was so great. So I decided to check. Username: XXXXX, Pin no:XXXXX and OK. HEY! I passed all! Eh I got only a B for my FYP!

All I wanted for American Idol was for Vonzell to move on to a final. Now it's time to find out American Idol results. This week was a semi-final stage of competition; 3 contestants(Bo Bice, Carrie Underwood and Vonzell Solomon) remained on the show. But today one had to go home. I certainly hoped that one person was not Vonzell. I like her since I first saw her in the audition(on TV, of course). Sitting in front of TV screen, I caught myself clapping and smiling when she was performing the song"Chain of Fools" and when a video clip showing her returning home. Ryan(the host) called each contestant to step forward. I was more excited at that moment than I was about to check my exam results. " Vonzie, you are leaving us tonight," Ryan announced. It must have broken her heart; she started to cry. Oh No that broke my heart too.

What If...

I am scared, worried, excited...what if I failed my final exam?

I remember a story about a student who wasn't happy with his exam results; he got an A+ for one of his modules. So he appealed to a school to recheck his paper; he was hoping for an A distinction! One of my classmates made a big fuzz about her exam paper when she learnt that she didn't answer some part of a question. It's a big deal for these people to get an A for all the subjects they take. For me? Passing all the subjects is already a big deal and I am satisfied.

But what if I failed?

I would blame a professor? I would blame myself and do something silly to myself? I would jump down from HDB rooftop? What would I say to my family and friends? Would I be sent home? Would it spell the end for me? What would I do?

What if...?

Call me strange, if you like...

I don't know about you, when I ask someone to hang out with it means I just wanna spend time with that particular person and don't expect others to come along.

It pisses me off sometimes when I ask someone to meet up and the person says "Can I ask A,B,C, and D to come along? You don't mind, right?" Or "Why don't you ask ABCD to go with you?" Come on, I mean, if I wanna hang out with ABCD I would have asked myself.

It feels like:

1. The person I asked doesn't want to be seen alone with me(afraid to be mistaken for a couple?);
2. The person doesn't feel comfortable being alone with me(nothing much to talk about?);
3. I am too boring to hang out with(that's why there is a need for other company?);
4. And all of above.

Hey I an't anti-social; I love being with a group of people. But there is a time when I just wanna be with someone ALONE. So next time if you happen to be asked by me, just say NO(of course, politely) if one of the above is true.

Eat, Sleep, Eat, Sleep and repeat..

It's been almost a month since I stepped out of a final examination hall. I am still jobless, aimless, hopeless and soon cashless and homeless.

I am not doing enough to get a job? Maybe...

My friends keep asking me how I have been and how I will survive without a job and money. My ancle called me the other night and asked if I was doing fine. Of course I told him and my friends, I would be O.K.

I spend my waking time(but most of the time, I sleep) first reading ST(Life!), watch TV, go for lunch, swim, take a nap, dine, read books or magazines, surf the net(apply jobs online), watch TV, shower, and sleep. And repeat. Everyday is the same to me. Sometimes I can't drag myself out of a bed because I dont know what I should wake up for. What I'm waiting for everyweek is American Idol.

Damnit! I need to get a life.

One Routine Day

Maybe it's because I'm forgetful or simply careless.

I couldn't wait to submit material to school for film festivals. I've been busy preparing it when I should have been looking for a job. After a long process of selecting festivals to submit, I created the list, submitted online entries, and prepared stills and some paper works.

I wanted to do the printing all press kits and entry forms in school because it's free. But before I printed, I wanted to replace the old picture(in the press kit) with the new one that I have extracted from FCP project. I soon realized that all PC stations in my school don't have Photoshop intalled. Only Macintoch have photoshop installed(It's abit ironic because my school is a media school.) but not all Macintoch have zip-drive reader. The ones with zip-drive readers are Multi-Media Lab(MML) and Spectrum room which in order to access the rooms, I need to get permission first. And this week MML has been occupied for a training; a Spectrum room(which is inside a studio) has been closed because technicians have to attend the training. So I decided to use a very dark picture for the press kit.

Press kit prolem solved. It's time I printed. I thought I had enough papers but I didnt. I had to go all the way to Library 1 to print. To print any document, I need to pay the fee by Cash card. The problem was I didnt have any money in my card. I approached a librarian to top up but was told that I couldn't top up the card with cash(only Net is accepted). But I didnt have money in my Net. Yeah this time of the year, I'll be always broke. Luckily the library has a service whereby you can print and pay by cash; it's abit more expensive though as opposed to paying by Cash card. Printing in colour cost 60 cents/piece!

I went back to my school delightedly with printed press kits and forms in hand. I arranged the papers nicely together and reached out for a stapler; I pressed it, "Krak!" Eh! No staple in it...

a series of unfortunate events

I got called from a lady regarding my job application. She asked me to go for a job interview. I couldn't remember which one it was because I've applied for so many jobs that I lost counts. I asked her for a company address. "Opposite Concourse," she said, or so I thought. " I know that place, " said me. "Anyway, I've sent you an email for more detail," she added. So I didn't ask her more. I was so excited that I din't even bother to ask her name or the company address.

I went to check all my emails(yahoo, hotmail and school email) but there wasn't any from the person. I delivered the news to my friends. They congrated me. I rechecked my emails but still didn't receive any. I decided I would call the person to ask. Before I made a phone call, I wanted to save her number first. I pressed a phone button while I was busy talking to my friends; I didnt pay much attention on what I was pressing until "Deleted" message appeared on the phone screen. I deleted the number while attempting to save it. So I couldn't call to ask for the address. All I could do was waiting for the email.

I kept checking emails every few minutes. Then I recalled what a lady on the phone told me about the job,"Online Editor". I went through all the jobs I've applied for and started to look for details of the companies. The next thing I could recall was "Opposite Concourse". I checked a street directory. There isn't any media company located opposite or nearby Concourse as far as I know. I called several companies that I've applied jobs with to check if they called anyone to come for a job interview. All said NO.

Hopelessly, I decided to just go to Concourse hoping that the person would call me, somehow. I went there early to check around Concourse. But there wasn't any sign of media companies that I know of. So I just waited, waited and waited some more. No one ever called.

I met my friend for dinner after that and told him about my miserable fate. "Are you sure it is Concourse? Maybe it is Concorde, which is at Suntec," said my friend. Hmm..Yeah maybe.

My First Interview

Final Year Project was submitted; exam, wrapped; resume, created and countless job-online- applications, sent. But my first job interview wasn't from online applications. I learnt about it from my friend. Mega Media was looking for an editor and a cameraman to work on a new show for ArtCentral.

Previously, I had applied to intern at Mega Media; it was my favourite choice back then. I was selected for an interview but wasn't offered the job(two ladies from my school were selected. Previous batch too ladies were selected...).

Here I was again sitting in a Mega Media office(the new office which is situated next to Bugis MRT). An interviewer is my friend from the same scholarship and the same batch too. So it was more like a chat.

I was pretty confident that I would get the job(production assistant). Yeah eveyone could do the job. My friend said she would show my showreel to her boss(the very same guy who interviewed me years ago) and also persuade him to pay more than 1500 for the job I've applied for.

The next day, she called me with the news; the company couldn't hire me because I dint have a work permit.

Technically, the company could employ and apply for work permit for me. But I guess, it is too troublesome for them to do so. I can't apply it myself. Only employers can apply for their employees. However, very few companies are willing to do that because there are lots of responsibilies they have to bear. So lots of companies want to employ only those who have already prossessed the work permit.

So for now, I have to look for those very few companies who are willing to apply for the work permit for me.

Waiting for the results

I finished my very last exam in April. I had to sit for three papers this semester. I did pretty well for the first two papers, Eco-tourism in Singapore and Malay. But I did terribly for the last one cuz I couldn't answer all the questions. I've been worried since I stepped out of an exam hall that day;I m worried I would fail. I don't wanna think too much for now. Just hope that my lecturer would be kind enough to let me pass his subject.