You can't bring me down today.

I am on top of the world. I can't remember when was the last time I am so excited like this?

My friend who sat for the same Fulbright Scholarship's Screening Test as mine a couple weeks ago messaged me," hey xai I got to the next round! how abt you? you need to call them and ask." I was happy for my friend, at the same time, my heart shrank and was filled with mix emotions both excited and nervous. I wanted to know so badly if I got in but I was also afraid what if I didn't get in. Although I said to my housemate, " It doesn't matter if I didn't pass this Screening Test. I just wanted to try," of course deep inside, it does matter to me. Hey I was a scholar and graduated from Singapore, a lion city, you know. Nervous and scared I might be, I couldn't bear waiting for the results any longer. I decided to call. " How do you think you did, sir?" a person on the other end of the phone asked. " I did my best. So how did I do?" I asked. " Hmm you got 131 points (out of 150)," he responded. "Yeah? Was it good?" I asked excitedly and almost jumped inside a toilet. " Yeah pretty high," said he. " Really? It means...?" I asked for confirmation.Yes! I got into the next round for Fulbright Scholarship, you know, the scholarship for the brightest people on earth. The next round is an oral interview.Nah I don't expect too high. After all, I am not that so bright. I am just going to give by best shot and see how it goes. As the say goes " Hope for the best but expect the worst." I bear that in mind.

Why the sky is cloudy today?

Blame it on the rain. Blame it on melting ice. Blame it on uncollected rubish. Blame it on motion sickness. Blame it on workload. Blame it on...I get agitated easily and I start to worry about it. I get angry and annoyed all the time and I don't know why. And my emotions always get the best of me. I couldn't find the key and shouted angrily at the guy who was supposed to have it for me to open the studio for training. I got annoyed with my brother when he forgot to deposite rubish in front of our house for collection. I got agitated by my driver when he was late to pick me up. Where does this mood swing come from? From heat? From long journey I took? From tragic news I received about friend who raped and killed his girl? From my family members whom I sent money to but scolded at me for letting my other family members know about it? From my failure of getting accepted from AusAid Scholarship?....I can't concentrate with my work. I can't eat. I can't sleep. I can't interact with the world...I avoid my family members. I avoid my housemate. I avoid my friends....This is bad.

I'm back!

I forgot my password to access my very own blog so I couldn't update it. Now I'm back and in Xiengkhouang, Laos.

It's been almost a year since my last post. Time really flies, doesn't it?