You can't bring me down today.

I am on top of the world. I can't remember when was the last time I am so excited like this?

My friend who sat for the same Fulbright Scholarship's Screening Test as mine a couple weeks ago messaged me," hey xai I got to the next round! how abt you? you need to call them and ask." I was happy for my friend, at the same time, my heart shrank and was filled with mix emotions both excited and nervous. I wanted to know so badly if I got in but I was also afraid what if I didn't get in. Although I said to my housemate, " It doesn't matter if I didn't pass this Screening Test. I just wanted to try," of course deep inside, it does matter to me. Hey I was a scholar and graduated from Singapore, a lion city, you know. Nervous and scared I might be, I couldn't bear waiting for the results any longer. I decided to call. " How do you think you did, sir?" a person on the other end of the phone asked. " I did my best. So how did I do?" I asked. " Hmm you got 131 points (out of 150)," he responded. "Yeah? Was it good?" I asked excitedly and almost jumped inside a toilet. " Yeah pretty high," said he. " Really? It means...?" I asked for confirmation.Yes! I got into the next round for Fulbright Scholarship, you know, the scholarship for the brightest people on earth. The next round is an oral interview.Nah I don't expect too high. After all, I am not that so bright. I am just going to give by best shot and see how it goes. As the say goes " Hope for the best but expect the worst." I bear that in mind.

Why the sky is cloudy today?

Blame it on the rain. Blame it on melting ice. Blame it on uncollected rubish. Blame it on motion sickness. Blame it on workload. Blame it on...I get agitated easily and I start to worry about it. I get angry and annoyed all the time and I don't know why. And my emotions always get the best of me. I couldn't find the key and shouted angrily at the guy who was supposed to have it for me to open the studio for training. I got annoyed with my brother when he forgot to deposite rubish in front of our house for collection. I got agitated by my driver when he was late to pick me up. Where does this mood swing come from? From heat? From long journey I took? From tragic news I received about friend who raped and killed his girl? From my family members whom I sent money to but scolded at me for letting my other family members know about it? From my failure of getting accepted from AusAid Scholarship?....I can't concentrate with my work. I can't eat. I can't sleep. I can't interact with the world...I avoid my family members. I avoid my housemate. I avoid my friends....This is bad.

I'm back!

I forgot my password to access my very own blog so I couldn't update it. Now I'm back and in Xiengkhouang, Laos.

It's been almost a year since my last post. Time really flies, doesn't it?

10 things that always annoy me

When I send a text message to you and you reply few days later.

When you call or message me late at night or early morning.

When you reply to my message with shortcuts like GR8(great), B@TM(busy at the moment), F2T(free to talk), RUUP4Sx?(are you up for sex?),NIcDr$CnITlkUOutOfIt?(Nice dress, can I talk you out of it?), etc(et cetera)...

When I converse with you in English, but you keep saying 'Sorry'
You:Sorry! we must what?
Me: @#$^%&*
You: Sorry? Oh we must 'Copulate'?
Me: No, I meant 'Cooperate'.

When I offer you a seat in the bus or train, you say 'no need'.

When I am in the bus and you come up to me to check my ez-link card.

When I order food and you ask me,"eat?". Sometimes I want to say,"what I am going to do with my food is none of your business; just give me your damn food, will you?"

When I am in a taxicab and you ask me,"straight?"

When I am handed a set meal at a fastfood restaurant, you say, "Thank you and enjoy your meal" but don't even look at me.

When I bought a bottle of Vitamilk and ask you to open its cap for me; you open it and put it back.

When you give me a receipt.

When you two talk and discuss in cinema about the movie being shown.
You one:I think he's a murderer.
You two:No, I think she's a murderer.
Me(shouting):Shut up!Shut up!...(in my head, of course)

When you run around inside a library.

When you stop me for a security check.

Newspaper's headline with PUN.

When you've posted something on Friendster and it's sent to inform the rest of the world that so-and-so person has updated her/his(blog, photos,etc) on Friendster. Stop it people!

All my bags are packed and I'm ready to go...

Am I sad to leave?

Just few weeks a go I was still talking to my friends about what I would do when I got my application for Singapore Permanent Resident approved.

Just few weeks a go, my boss told me what I would be assigned to do for the next few months with the company.

Just few weeks a go, my uncle in US called and I told him he could visit me in Singapore any time this year.

Just few weeks a go, I emailed my Internet friend in Bangkok that if he even came to Singapore he could look for me.

Just few weeks a go, I joined WildFilm Singapore.

Just few weeks a go, my housemate and I were looking for a new place to move to.

But it doesn't matter anymore because I am going home.

I have less than a month in S'pore. How should I spend it?

So I've been offered a job in Laos. I'm excited, nervous and sad at the same time. I had never felt like this for a long time.

I'm excited with a new job, new place, new environment, new direction... and few more newS.

I'm nervous because I don't know how to inform my boss about me having to leave the company. I'm nervous because I don't know what to expect from the new job. Have I made the right choice? But you can't be sure or certain about everything, can you? My favourite quote:"Life is about choice; you are what you choose." So I'm gonna live what I have chosen.

I'm sad having to leave Singapore. I've never stayed this long in any place besides my own village. Friends have been wonderful; experiences have been...er..up and down(if that's the right word). But still no regrets having been here. I'm a survivor!

Things I wish(and have) to do before I leave:

Settle my PC loan
Meet up with as many former SCI classmates as possible
Say Good-bye to Nikki
Meet my host-family
Cancel my PR application
Call Tobe to tell him I'm leaving
Have a drink with Steve King at Marina Bay
Clean the house
Visit Jurong Bird Park (I've never been there)
Visit Sentosa (For photo taking)
Attend my Junoirs' convocation in NUS
Shoot friend's wedding
Have lunch or dinner with MOL's friends(Magic Of Love) and colleaques
Visit Thai market
Drink coke

Anything else I should do?

I'm missing you already.

Which is worse?

So people think I'm balding. According to my colleague, men should be worried if they are fat and bald. She looked at me and said, "Oh Sorry! But you're not fat! And you have tanned-skin."

So much pressure on my head, I decided to see a doctor. Actually I'd been eyeing on that "Male Pattern Hair Loss" poster outside the clinic below my block for quite sometime. But I was too shy to admit that I have a "problem".

I woke up early in the morning just to make sure that I could be the first person to see a doctor. I walked in. There were already few people inside. I sat down and wondered if this was a good idea. Fifteen minutes later, I walked out.

I ended work early and went back home, still thinking about the clinic. When I reached home, the clinic was still open. I walked around outside the clinic for almost 10 minutes or so, not sure whether I should go in. Twenty minutes left before it's closed, I walked in. Now there's no returning back. I registered and waited. Oh man I never felt this nervous for so long. The lady signaled for me to go in. She didn't call my name. I guess she wasn't sure how to.

Once inside, the conversation went like this:

Doc: Sawadee Krup! Which part of Thailand are you from?
Me: Er...I'm from Laos.
Doc:Oh but your name sounds so Thai...So what's your problem?
Me: Not so much a problem. It's just my hair...

After examination:

Doc: It looks very serious. This is what we call Male Pattern Hair Loss. You'd better start seeking treatment before it's gone completely...

The doctor explained the cause of my hair problem and how I could get treatment. He mentioned about pills and cost of them.

Doc: you need to take it daily for at least 1 year to see visible results...
Me: wow! any side effects?
Doc: yeah you may lose sexual urges. You can still function normal; it's just that you don't feel the urge for it.
Me: it doesn't sound so bad.


It sounds impotent to me. So I have to choose between losing hair or losing sexual desires. Very tough! But you see, I want to have my head full of hair so I can attract other human beings more. So my sex life can be improved.

Nah I'm just being vain.

Some people say just be content with what you have. And in my case I should be content with what I don't have.

There were things I’d never do again. But then they’d always seemed right.

(April-May)

Had two cans of Coke in one day. Cos “food tastes better with Coke”

Watched telly the whole weekend. Cos I hate going out when it rains.

Borrowed four books at one time from a library; never finished reading them. And always returned them late. I just don’t know why.

Watched three midnight movies in cinema in one month! Cos I’m always released from work late and need to “escape from reality” once in a while.

Wandered around a Thai market like a hooker. Cos I feel like home here.

Visited a CashConverter store just to search for American Idol CDs. Cos they sell CDs at cheaper price and I like listening to Idol CDs.

Watched American Idol on weekday and still watched its encore telecast on Sunday. Cos I am a big fan.

Had late lunch and late dinner almost everyday. Cos I’m hard-working and working late.

Ate Burger King just to get a contest coupon “UPSIZE & WIN tickets to “AMERICAN IDOL” Finals in Hollywood”. Cos I won a Nokia phone from them once and am a big fan of the Idol.

Drank four glasses of beer in one month; two glasses at a Thai Karaoke pub, one and ¾, at Marina Bay, and ¼, at Brewerkz. Cos in my culture it’s considered impolite to refuse a drink or two (beer included) when offered by a friend or someone more senior. Cos “Declining an offer is tantamount to rejecting friendship”.

Bought a T-shirt too tight and too small for my own good. Cos I thought it would show off my body (ahem). Cos’ I work hard for it (ahem).

Told a white lie about working at “Singapore Embassy”. Cos it’s fun to bluff people. And Cos I’m good at “manipulating the truth”.

Fell asleep at the wrong place and at the wrong time. Cos I’m awake at night but fall asleep in the office. Cos I suffer from insomnia and my place is near a market and clinic. Cos they start their business very early.

Told another lie (true lie) about me being from Thailand. Cos I hate having to explain that Laos is a country itself, not part of Thailand nor a capital city of Myanmar or Cambodia, for that matter. Cos it’s disturbing to learn that some people are just ignorant.

Bought newspaper from 7-Eleven instead of from a small store below my block. Cos a store owner once shouted at me in Malay in front of other customers. Cos he thought I didn’t pay for a paper. Though he apologized and patted me on the back, I’m still too traumatized to buy stuff from his store thereafter.

And list goes on…

Now I can call myself an award-winning director!

I’m so happy. I can’t contain it. And I have to share it. I feel like I’m on top of the world. Some people may say our FYP video is overrated. Hey some people don’t like it, but some people do. There are things I wish I could have covered and inserted in our video, though. For example, I should have spent one night with Mr. Leum, our main subject, on the island where he lives and fishes alone, talking to him and watching him doing his routines; then from the other side of the island, we would use our second camera to shoot. You would see a dim light from his hut against the big sky full of million bright stars. You would hear Mr. Leum talking from far with music from the radio as a background. You would hear ambient sounds from the streaming Mekhong river and the chirping of crickets. And how I wish I should have shot the scene when Mr. Leum and his daughter were having an argument; she wanted him to stay in Vientiane longer, but he just wanted to go back fishing. But well, given a chance we always wish to do things differently, don’t we?

It’s not that bad now that we won an award for our video. It gives me a sense of accomplishment however small. And it makes me want to do more documentaries or even movies. It feels great to be appreciated.

“Against the Tide”

Director: Xaisongkham Induangchanthy
Producer: Tan Wee Liang
Editor: Farah Iqbal
Sound: Foo Soo Hian

-Outstanding Documentary, 4th Annual University Student Film and TV Festival in the Greater China Region 2006, Hong Kong
-Finger Lakes Environmental Film Festival 2006, New York
-TV Mobile 2006, Singapore

What playground and library here have in commond?

They both have children running around, screaming and crying.

Oh now I look Filipino

Met a Filipino couple on the bus. I knew they were Filipino cos' they were speaking Tagalog. I knew it was Tagalog cos' I heard my Filipino friends spoke before.

They were sitting behind me. And just before they were about to alight, the guy asked me,"aRe you Filipino?"
"Nope, I am Lao."
"SoRRy!SoRRy! I thought you weRe Filipino. You look like Filipino...Have a nice holiday."

I almost got into trouble over cheap porn

I went to Chinatown yesterday. Nah I wasn't there to buy cheap porn CDs. I went there to take photos.

While I was happily snapping around, a guy stopped me.

A guy: Why are you taking photos?
Me: Just to keep for myself.
A guy: Just take! Show to the police! Let them catch us! You know, other sellers won't be very happy!I can't guarantee you something might happen to you. And please don't blame me for that. We're earning the living here!...

I did take photos of the place, but none of my photos shows any one of porn-VCD shops. I walked away and the guy was still mumbling.

The rest of the day, I just tried to stay in the crowd. Just in case, the guy sent someone to hurt me. You never know. Some say Thais are the most friendliest people on earth. But I say they are also easily provoked. When they are angry, they can do unthinkable things. It's pretty scary.

Lesson learnt: be sensitive when shooting photos. Ask if not sure.

FYI, at Chinatown, there is a small lane on Chareunkrung Road selling pirated VCDs and DVDs of all kinds of movies, from Chicken Little to Deep Throat. Sellers shout"Porn! Porn! This way! This way! Newest VCDs! Japanese, Farang, Thai...Cum! Cum!" They are not shy about it and not even trying to be a little bit subtle or discreet. If you have been to JB, you know how the sellers there try to sell porn VCDs. But here at Chinatown, the sellers just put the stuff on display on a walkway. Everywhere you turn, there porn VCDs! And 2 VCDs for B100. This is overwhelming!

Oh there are police patrolling around that area. I am sure they know what's happening on the street. The porn-selling guy shouldn't have been mad at me at all.

Swaddee Bangkok

I can speak Thai and I'm proud of it. So when I visit Thailand, I speak it whenever I have a chance, with Thai people, of course.

On Thai Airway

Thai Flight Attendant: What would you like to drink, sir?
Me:(try to impress) Kho Coke Krup(in Thai, let me have Coke)
TFA:Coke, is it?(English)
Me: Khob Khoun Krup(still try)
TFA: You're welcome.

At Khao San Road's street noodle stall

Me:(after finished eating) Thao Rai Krup?(in Thai, how much)
Thai lady:Four-ty Baht(English,You Thai?
Me: Phome Khone Thai Krup(Thai, I am Thai).
Thai lady: Ao Neuk Wa Khone Khamen(oh I thought you were Cambodian).

Oops.

Still on Khao San Road

I was looking for a place to stay and asking guesthouses around. All seemed to be fully booked. I am not sure if that was really a case. The guesthouses don't accept locals. They might just say the rooms were full because they thought I was Thai. So I tried to speak English. After my second try, I got a room.

Now at Khao San Road, I speak English first, then Thai, and follow by Lao. Hey there are lots of Lao people here. There happens to be one Lao at the guesthouse I am staying now.

Like me who like to show of that I can speak Thai, locals like to speak English whenever they have a chance.

How ironic, Thai try to speak English with me. While foreigners speak Thai with me. The bad news is foreigners also tend to ask for direction from me because they think I am a local.

Today I went to King Palace, one Farang asked me where the toilet was and thanked me in Thai later.

Being able to speak Thai and looking like one has an advantage here in Bangkok. Admission to King Palace for foreigners is 250B(about S$10 plus). It's free for Thai. And I can enter without fee. All I need to do is walking straight to "For Thai tourists" Gate. And if the guard asks me, I just say a word or two in Thai. Problem solved.

And local people won't chase after me and beg me to buy things from them. I think foreigners are annoyed by this practice. No one has ever tried to chase after me, except when I take pictures and they want to see what has been captured. Other than that, they just ignore me. I am like one of them.

I fall in love with this place already. I can switch my personas as I like, be it Farang, Thai,Lao-Isan(those who live in Northern East who speak the same language as Lao), Southern Thai(Thai people in South who look like Malay), Khamen(Cambodian), Lao.

Khob Khoun Very much!

Advanced B-day Celebration

P1010765
Originally uploaded by Xaisongkham.

Happy 30th Anniversary

P1010546
Originally uploaded by Xaisongkham.

One Night Stand at Marina Bay

DSCN0827
Originally uploaded by billabonque.

I love you so much. I have to kill you.

"The greatest creation is the life you lead." From Tarnation

"If you can't cry, speak. If you can't speak, smile. If you can't smile, just keep quiet then." From A very Long Engagement

"When two people know each other too well, it's time they broke up." From Lan Yu

(Lisa to Matt in the kitchen) "Faster" From 9 Songs

I won't quit.

I'm just tired.

You are right. Things will only get better for me. I just need to work hard and be patient a little bit more.

I don't wanna die of starvation

Still have to work at the cafe for the time being. Just realized that the amount of money I would get from my Telemarketing job couldn't cover my rental fee. I worked for 3 weeks but earned lesser than S$300? Fuck! someone's cheating me! Should have kept my time-sheet. Shit!

Went to a Thai market twice this week. What was I doing here again?

Boss just told me about a couple who just checked in this afternoon,"You know why they look so tired? Hehehe they've been doing IT since this afternoon.Hehehe..." "Which room are they staying?" I asked.

At Embassy. was told not to work too hard. Funny boss and friendly colleagues I work with. Stayed late in the office for the past few days, but no complaint so far.

Before 52 kg. Now 49 kg! Really have to eat breakfast and dinner from now on.

Work hard and won't be starving. Cheers!

If you work like a slave, you will earn like a slave too.

Met Kelvin for lunch. You know CS Kelvin? Nice and helpful guy. We talked a lot today more than we did during 4 years in school.

CS updated: Mag got married!

Went to MediaCorp to collect a jacket and pants for Gurmit Singh for a Sunday shoot.

Bombarded with Heart-Lander promo video(MUST-SEE TUESDAY) while taking bus to and fro work. So very annoying.

Got a new kid at the cafe. I have to train her. She works a full-time as a sale lady at Cityhall by day and works part-time at a cafe by night. She stays at Bedok. Just FYI.

Haven't told my boss about me wanting to stop working. Still don't know how to start. Stupid me.

Looking forward to this Sunday gathering.