You know my secrete. I have to kill you.

Remember the first time you wanted to buy a pack of condoms at a drug store or 7 eleven? A pornography mag?

I had been eying on that 'Playboy: Playmate' DVD collect from a Chinese store for the past few days. It was priced at 570.000 LAK (about US67). Today I came in again to check. There were few customers browsing through well-organized DVD collections. So I waited until no other customer was left in the store. I wanted to buy that 'Playmate' discreetly, you know, taking it to the counter, making a payment and leaving, and with no question asked. The problem was it's rather expensive. So I took it to a sale person, a Chinese middle-aged lady, sitting at a counter and asked if she could lower the price. She said she could not do that; she needed to ask her boss first. At that very moment I started to panic. An embarrassing story I heard once appeared in my head. I remember the story about someone wanting to buy a porn mag from a store and a sale man just asked his boss loudly,"How much does this porn mag cost?" and everyone in the store was staring at that mag and then him, a potential buyer, a 'pervert' one. Luckily for my case, she just walked to her boss - who was playing 'Mahjong' with her friends. A moment later, her boss came to the counter, used a calculator to do some maths before showing it to me. It showed 525.000 on its screen. "Could you go lower than that?" I whispered. "Sorry. That's the lowest I could go," she insisted. Not wanting to prolong a situation any further, I decided to take it. She put the DVD into a thin and clear plastic bag.

"Could I have another plastic bag, please?" I requested. I then quickly walked out.

While waiting to cross the road, someone shouted, "Brother Xai, what are you doing here?" It's my junior. It's a she.

"Err...I'm here to use the Internet. What about you?" I asked while hiding my plastic bag at my back.

"I'm meeting my friend for dinner. Would you like to join us?" she invited.

"I'm afraid I can't. I have to use the Net for my work," I declined politely.

"The Internet cafe is that way. Bye!"

"See you!"

I had no choice but to walk to the Internet cafe and used it.

Now It's time I went back to my guesthouse.

You will like them too.

I just watched 'The Fall' and 'The Onion Movie', thanks to cheap and pirated DVDs, and liked them a lot. You should check them out. If I make a film I want mine to look and feel like 'The Fall' and be funny like 'The Onion Movie'.

See me?

Australia Supports Lao Nationals to Study in Australia

Forty Australian Development Scholarships (ADS) and three OZ Minerals scholarships were awarded to Lao Nationals for study in Australia by the Australian Government and OZ Minerals this week. The twenty three male and twenty female awardees are from provinces throughout Laos including Xieng Khouang, Champassak, Houaphan, Luang Prabang and Vientiane.

This year, fourteen awardees have achieved required academic scores which will enable them to commence study in Australia in January 2009; the remaining awardees will undertake a one year preparation course at VientianeCollege before commencing study in Australia in January 20.At the congratulatory ceremony held at Vientiane College on Wednesday 8 October, the Australian Ambassador, Dr Michele Forster said “ADS scholars are particularly valued for their high level of analytical and critical thinking skills. Many former Lao scholars are now in senior decision making positions in government, international organisations and the private sector and now they can make a real difference to driving change and influencing development outcomes in Lao PDR.”

Dr Forster wished all awardees good luck with their studies and urged the new ADS awardees to embrace the challenges ahead as they commence their studies in Australia.

Source: http://www.adsvientiane.com/

You shouldn’t have shared that. Really.

I was invited by my friend to have dinner with his friends whom I have never met before. We introduced ourselves, our names and job titles, and ordered our food.

“Xai, you should order fried broccoli and carrots to get some fibre,” my friend suggested. He looked at his friends and continued, “Xai has not cleared his bowels for few days already.”

I was embarrassed, uncomfortable and a bit annoyed by that information shared by my friend with his friends.

You may share information about your friend’s failed marriage, porn VCD collections, liver condition, sleeping with a prostitute or two, fetish, etc., among your AND his or her close friends. But you should never ever share those kinds of information about your friend (s) with people you or s/he had just met. Do you think other people like to learn if your friend has Hepatitis, herpes, the clap…? I don’t think so, at least not for me. Nor do I think people like their personal/confidential information to be shared with acquaintances.

If you bring that up- to amuse or to enlighten other people (or ‘to whatever’ you may have in mind), it only shows how unconsidered/jerk you are. It’s a no-no thing. Really.

1st January 2009

These are photos of me at my window (taken on 1st January 2009).

That was stupid!

I had a meeting with my colleagues and volunteers today to prepare for an outreach activity to advocate about our Khoun Community Radio for Development.

When one person was proposed to be a presenter at the event, I said “I don’t think he is a good choice. He’s boring and annoying when he talks. I don’t think villagers will understand him; he doesn’t even know or understand what he is saying…”

Everyone looked at me. No one said anything.

Then my boss asked, “How about you being a presenter?”

I said, “No! No! I can’t be. I’m not that good. I’ll just be an observer and taking photos.”

Oops!

You deserve a hug for that!

I have to admit it; I like to touch and be touched by others.

Being Lao and in Lao culture, we don't physically touch one another very much. This is especially true when we get older. We shake hands when we meet or part. We pat on somebody on the back when he or she does something good...

By touching I mean hugging, embracing, holding hands, kissing...to express affection or sympathy.

Lao (Asian) people often associate touching with sexual expression. We avoid touching each other (publicly) for fearing that we might offend the other person or be misinterpreted.

I don't know the hidden power of touching. But it feels good when I'm touched by others.

Give me a big hug.

You know I'd walk a thousand miles if I could just see you tonight.

I'm stuck in Vientiane 'alone' and feeling so bored/miserable/pathetic/empty. I should have gone home by now. But I'm still on my annual leave.

I'm in Vientiane because my Singaporean friends and I were traveling from Xiengkhouang to Luangprabang, Vang Vieng and Vientiane. They left for Singapore yesterday morning. I decided to stay back in Vientiane because I'm still on holiday. Having travelled with friends since last week and been here in Vientiane for countless times, I have lost interest in doing anything else. Not doing or lacking interest in doing 'anything' makes me feel bored/miserable/pathetic/empty. And I start to miss my friends who have just left.

And I don't feel like going back to my work.

My 2009 New Year's Resolutions- Dos and Don'ts

It's my year to shine! I'll be happier. At least, I'll try. Here are my Dos and Don'ts

Dos

1. Have my teeth whitened- I'll have to try to drink less coffee as well. Just because I can drink it for free from my office, it doesn't mean that I have to drink it.

2. Finish reading a book on er... reading techniques by May 2009.

3. Study 'After Effects' and 'Photoshops CS'.

4. Read about Australia in general and Sydney in particular.

5. Study 'Strine English' a word a day. Bloody hard, I reckon.

6. Save money for Canon Digital Ixus or Nikon CoolPix and Apple MacBook.

7. Save money for my brother's schooling.

8. Exercise more.

9. Drink more water.

10. Eat more rice.

11. Write more.

12. Visit museums.

13. Stand in the sun often.

Don'ts

1. Waste time and energy on things or people that won't change.

2. Spend too much on DVDs.

3. Drink beer or Lao wine.

4. Work on weekends.

These dos and don'ts will be revised on semiannual basis.

Reality Check

Let see what have and have not been implemented on my New Year's Resolutions list:

*Study IELTS for AusAid- I'm applying for Filmmaking course! Accomplished.

*Write a short-film script- about a Lao construction worker who falls in love with a Chinese masseuse but he can't speak a word of Chinese...Ah! Initiated but not materialized.

*Save money and visit friends in Singapore- see you all in Singapore in November! I visited friends in Singapore in April but not in November due to work commitment; an old school mate visited me in Laos in December.

*Help my sister to build her house. Almost completed. It is an on-going commitment for me.

*Write more emails to my host family and old friends- I feel so bad for not keeping in touch with them. Irregularly done. I will try to do it better.

*Consume less Pepsi, Coke, Beer Lao, Lao wine...Strictly followed but could have done better. I should have included 'less coffee' into this list.

*Exercise more- I have only one body; if I don't take care of it, no body will. And if I'm sick, I won't be able to do anything. Seldom practiced besides climbing up the mountain to inspect my radio transmitter.

*Read more books-Thai, Lao and English books- I need to keep my brain stimulated. Bought a lot of books but have not finished reading any of them besides mags.

*Keep updating my blog- I hate writing but...Irregularly done so but have been trying.

*Have my teeth whitened. Have not done but will get them whitened soon.

*Visit my family- at the end of the day, sisters and brothers are the ones who love and care for me the most. Visited them once.

*Have my hair grown- I want to feel my head full of hair again. Have been trying but still have had no luck.

*Finish my food-always think about those African kids who are starving. Have always finished my rice.

I'm 25 today!

At least I wish I were.

I just feel like writing something today.

Thanks to Facebook and Hi5, I have received several well-wishing messages from friends some websites. Thanks to Jeremy and his friends for dinner in Vientiane; that was awesome. I do not usually celebrate my birthday. But it is always nice when someone remembers it and wishes me 'Happy Birthday'. It's very sweet and thoughtful of them.

I really appreciate it a lot.

Thanks!

Money! Money! Money!

I’m not very proud to admit this.

Last month, my older brother called and asked me if I could send him some money because he wanted to buy a motorbike, a second-hand one, as he’s been cycling his whole life to work and to somewhere else besides to work. I promised him I would give him some money when I received my next pay cheque. So I did yesterday. He then called me today to inform me that he might be using money for something else; he has been promoted after more than 10 years of working in the army, and he had already treated lots of people. So he needed the money to pay his debt. I angrily scolded him. He said he was very sorry.

Now I’m sorry.

Why did I have to scold him? Why did I not congratulate him on his promotion, instead? Is it because of the money? Is it because I felt he was lying to me? I’m not sure.

Every time my friends back home ring, I always assume that they only have one agenda, that is asking me for help, financially. So do my siblings. I become paranoid (if that’s the right word) and cold.

Now I understand why the well-to-do people often look down on other people.

But I’m not even remotely there yet. I still don’t have my own shelter called home. I still ride a bicycle to work. I still have to borrow money from my colleague at the end of the month from time to time…How come I have already exhibited THAT attitude?

It’s the thought that counts. Right!

My boss is leaving us. As he has been a great boss, my colleagues and I want to give him something. Yeah, something. A present.

Here comes a problem; we can’t quite decide what kind of a present we should give him. We want something that is unique, locally made, not too expensive, useable, meaningful… to truly represent our gratitude to him. A Lao cotton shirt? (But we bought one for his last birthday; we have not seen him wearing it). A local painting? (But he’s leaving Laos; it’s too bulky to carry home). A wooden elephant? (The same as a painting). A post card with our signatures? The list goes on.

It’s hard, isn’t it, to choose the right present for other people?

Is it better to just buy something, anything, and give to a person? Or is it better not to buy anything at all because you can’t think of a suitable present/gift for the person? For the latter, you don’t tell the person that you can’t think of anything to give her or him. For the former, if the other person happens to like the present/gift, you are safe. If not, he or she would think you are cheapskate/thoughtless…OR should you just ask the person what he or she wants? But then again, you want to them to be surprised. People like surprises, don’t they?

That is why I sometimes ‘hint’ other people what I want for my birthday present so they won’t have a hard time to figure out what they should get me (although I seldom get a birthday present back in Laos, just in case anyone happens to care.)

Oh yeah, this is my wishing list for this year’s birthday:

1. Canon Digital Camera, 6 megapixel (at least);
2. MacBook Air;
3. Sony DSR-PD150 DVCAM

From UN-DP to UN-SW

I've been working for UNDP-supported project (UNDP stands for United Nations Development Programme) for more than 2 years now, since 14 July 2006, to be exact.

How did I get here?

Upon my graduation from the School of Community and Information, Nanyang Technological University, Singapore, in 2005, I was offered the job as a video editor at a local production house. I was happy there, nice bosses (I had two bosses) and colleagues. But working as an editor, I was struggling to do my job; I was not well equipped with this skill when I was in school. My "specialization" was "Electronic Broadcast Media." Although my bosses were very understanding and even planning to send me to attend a special course to learn more skills in editing, I felt it was time I took sometime off to really learn and master my skills. I had to go to school somewhere. I could not fund myself if I were to study at an art school in Singapore or anywhere else. The only way I could think of at the time was to try to apply for a scholarship. It was next to impossible to get the scholarship from Singapore, not to mention from overseas if I were to apply there; it was extremely competitive. So I decided to return home, Laos. My strategic plan at that time was I would work in Laos for a couple of years, then I would start to apply for the scholarships (in Laos, to be eligible for the scholarship, you have to have been residing in Laos for at least 2 years prior to your application). So I came home and got a job as a translator/radio coach working for a pilot project called Khoun Radio Support Project to establish the first community radio in Laos.

I will be leaving for UNSW (the University of New South Wales) in June 2009 to undertake a master's degree (Master of Digital Media).

How did I get here?

I was among 900-plus hopefuls apply for Australian Development Scholarships (ADS) and sat for the screening test (IQ and English). After the screening test, only 100 or so applicants passed for the first interview. Then, 93 candidates were selected to sit for the International English Language Testing System (IELTS) together with previous year candidates (who have been offered the scholarships but still need to obtain required band scores of the IELTS). I was one of hundred people sitting for this exam. The IELTS includes Listening, Reading, Writing and Speaking. Most of master's degree courses require the scores of IELTS 6.5. I got 7.0. That was enough for me to apply for a university placement in Australia. I applied for Master of Digital Media as my first choice at the UNSW's College of Fine Arts and have been accepted by the College.

Initially, I was told I would be leaving in early January 2009 together with several successful candidates. However, my course of study would only commence in July 2009. I could reject the offer and try somewhere else; this did not guaranty that my application for another place would be successful, though. I did not want to take a risk; besides, I really liked the course offered by the UNSW, I decided to accept the offer.

Am I regret it now? Nah, not at all. I still believe I have made a right decision. By staying another 5-6 months in Laos means I still can work and save some money for myself and my family. Good things come to those who wait. Right?

Waddayarekon?

PC4D!

My photo appears in WiA's (Women in Action) publication called 'People's Communications for Development'.

Its website: http://www.isiswomen.org/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=382&Itemid=206

Introducing my new photo blog

It's called Happy Lao Kids:
Click Here

Look! I'm famous!

Two of my photos were recently used for the article written for IRIN Asia. Check out my photos and read the article on Khoun Community Radio.

Click the link here

He ain't heavy; he's my brother

This is Hut, my youngest brother. He left Laos for USA in 1997. He was about 6 then. I had not seen him for 11 years. When I first saw his photo (today), I could not even recognize him.

I still remember when he was about to board a plane, he was crying so hard. So did my sister and me. Now he can't speak Lao. I asked him over the phone one time whether he wanted to return to Laos, he said "Not really. I have already forgotten everything there. I have no friends in Laos..."

He has never visited Laos since he left.

But I want to be a nice guy.

I hate receiving phone calls and messages in early mornings and at late nights, especially if those are from my friend's ex-girlfriends.

Back in 2005, I was in Singapore sharing a house with a friend who had a girlfriend. When the couple broke up and my friend refused to reconcile the relationship and to receive phone calls or messages from his ex, his ex kept bombarding me with non-stop phone calls and messages, all asking for a chance to talk to my friend. So what could I do then? I ignored all those phone calls and never replied to the messages.

I became a bad guy.

Back in Laos. Just a week ago, my Singaporean friend made friend with a local girl and for some reasons(mis)led her to believe that he liked her. They both exchanged addresses and phone numbers. He promised to her that he would come back to visit her again in August. However, since he left Laos, she has not been able to contact him. She called, sent messages or even attempted to write an email to him. He has not responded to her. So now she has turned to me. Nah! not for comfort or sex, of course. She calls me everyday, early mornings, late nights and sometime in between, all asking me to pass her I-miss-you-so-much-and-please-answer-my-phone message to my friend. As much as I like to help and pity her, I sometimes get annoyed by her and my friend (for misleading her and not being honest with her; if he doesn't like her as a lover, then he should just say so and not let her daydream on being a Singaporean man's wife...).

I hate friend's ex-girlfriends.

'Against The Tide' is now online! Please watch and vote.